Last Week Off!

So this is my last week off of work. I am driving my car around and don't feel like I'm a danger to anyone any longer. I still need to regain my strength and have started walking. Last night I walked from our parking spot to the Sounders Game, which isn't a small walk. Plus up and down stairs. It was tough but I did it. So I just need to keep doing some walking every day. It's been raining hard around here so I'm glad I have a treadmill and an eliptical machine. That will help. I'm actually looking forward to going back. I miss my kids on my route. They are all so sweet. Plus I actually miss driving the big old bus! I also miss all my friends at work. I have some real TRUE friends there? Some that actually donated SICK time to me!! They shared their own sick leave, that they earned for themselves, with me! I am not sure how much yet and I don't know who, and I don't know if I can even find out so I can thank them. I need to look into this. So if you are one of those friends that were able and willing to do that, THANK-YOU from the the bottom of my heart! My family thanks you too! Such a gift and I hope I can pay it forward to somebody someday. I am so very humbled that anyone would help me in this way. Thank you for helping me keep my health benefits. Thank you for your support. Thank you for everything!! I am feeling much better. Just a couple of weeks ago I could hardly hold my head up off the pillow. It's just amazing to me how much better I feel now that I've been back on my thyroid medicine. I never realized how much our thyroid does for our body. How much it affects our brains. I just found out recently that if you don't have any thyroid horomone for so many days (I was told 21 days, that you will go into a coma and eventually die). So this explains why I felt like I WAS DYING!!! *LOL* Here is some information I found that I thought was interesting and explains this. CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT A THYROID?? There's a small, butterfly-shaped organ that lies in the neck just below the Adam's apple called the thyroid gland. Most people take this hard-working organ for granted. But don't underestimate its importance. Can you live without a thyroid gland - or is it necessary to sustain life? Can You Live Without a Thyroid Gland? You can live without a thyroid gland, but you won't survive very long without the hormones this gland produces. These hormones, T3 and T4, have an effect on every cell in the body by controlling the rate with which they use energy and oxygen - the body's metabolic rate. Not surprisingly, people who are deficient in thyroid hormone, a condition called hypothyroidism, gain weight and feel very tired. Because of the role thyroid hormone plays in brain function, a deficiency of thyroid hormone can cause depression, memory problems, and even psychosis. So important is the role of thyroid hormone in growth and development that if a deficiency occurs early in life it can cause severe mental retardation and serious growth delays. Even in cases of thyroid hormone deficiency, the body still produces enough thyroid hormone to sustain life. With no thyroid hormone, bodily functions would soon grind to a halt as cells are no longer able to produce energy. Can you live without a thyroid gland? Not for long - unless you replace the missing hormones the thyroid produces. Some People Do Live Without a Thyroid Gland Even though the hormones the thyroid produces are essential to life, some people do live without a thyroid gland. Some people have most or all of their thyroid gland removed because of thyroid cancer or due to a severely overactive thyroid gland that doesn't respond to other treatment. A very small percentage of people are born without a thyroid gland. Fortunately, the missing thyroid hormone can be replaced with synthetic thyroid hormone. People taking synthetic thyroid hormone can lead a normal life, although it's important to keep their thyroid hormone levels regulated by checking blood levels regularly. Can You Live Without a Thyroid? Yes, but only if you replace the missing thyroid hormones. These hormones are necessary for human life. References: Merck Manual. Eighteenth edition. 2006.

Post RAI scan yesterday

I went in for my post RAI Whole Body Scan yesterday. It took about 45 minutes. I didn't meet with a doctor or anything. The tech said that this scan was so that they would have something to compare the next scan with. I guess it shows where all the radiation went to and where it is working. Still shows the neck area. So I guess I will find out at my next doctor's appointment when the next scan will be. This scan was much easier than any of the others in that I didn't have to do any prep for it. I haven't been posting lately. Mainly my mind just doesn't feel quite right. I don't trust my thinking even. I feel really slow. I can even hear my words slurr. I think I'm getting better slowly but it will take awhile for the thyroid to build back up into my system. Depression has really set in. Don't get me wrong. I KNOW I am blessed. It's just a state of mind, a black feeling. I have dealt with it before and I know it will pass, but it's real. So I'm kind of just hanging on and waiting to feel better. I don't really feel like writing much. I don't like writing depressing thoughts or feelings. So I'm just going to hide out for awhile. Not feeling sorry for myself. Just this is how it is right now and I recognize it. Pretty sure my husband and boys are feeling it too. They are just keeping thier distance,*lol*. I am really looking forward to Justyn coming home from BYU Utah this weekend though. I have really missed him. He will be home for the summer, working and getting ready to serve a 2 year church mission.

6 days Post RAI, First outing

Today I actually ventured out in the public. It was actually for a very SPECIAL reason. My friend Peggy, had GREAT news on her Breast Cancer scan this week and it was a celebration for her! Some co-workers put it on and Peggy asked if I could be there. I was so honored! Alice and her hubby, Eric, came to pick me up and take me (thank-you)! He is also a cancer survivor. I wasn't able to make any food for the potluck as I am still being cautious not to expose anyone. I had other people dish my food up for me at the barbecue also. People still did come up and hug me though but that is supposed to be OK at this stage. Just can't share saliva (*lol*). It felt so good to get out of the house and to be around friends. And the sunshine was out. Peggy looked beautiful and happy. I just love her. We got to talk a little and get our picture taken. I also learned a lot about some of my co-workers and some of the personal struggles they have had in thier own lives. Kind of sad that we work beside each other every day but don't really know each other. I hope I can take more time in my daily life to learn about those around me and let them know I care. Life is a journey and there are ups and downs for all of us. Today I vow to always remember to never judge another until I have walked a mile in their shoes. Thank's to Jan for bringing me home tonight. I'm exhausted for now and am retiring back to my bed. Thank's for a beautiful day! And Peggy, way to KICK CANCERS BUTT!!!

Day 4 of Isolation

Ugh! As my 9 year old would say. This is really getting old. I just want to feel better! I'm getting very impatient. I'm so weak and so sick. I have a terrible headache and sore throat. I'm nauseous and tired. Tomorrow I'm calling my doctor to see if there is something he can give me or if this is just how it is. I have so many things that I'm so excited to get started on and this is just holding me back! I guess I need to take it slow and my body is reminding me of that. My husband and kids are sick at home and I feel like I need to be there. Tomorrow I will be going home but still keep my distance for another 4 days. It will be nice to be home.

Thank you

I just want everyone to know how grateful I am for all of your prayers and support! I have felt you with me and it means so much. Thank you for your comments, your words, your thoughts. Thanks to those that have brought meals in to my family, have cleaned my house, watched my boys, sent cards, texts and e-mails and flowers. Thanks for the Birthday wishes and thanks to Alice for taking me to breakfast before I had to start that diet! Thanks to my daughter for being there to rub my head when it hurt so bad, for taking time off to take me to the doctor, and for giving up her days off to help me. Thanks to my husband and my boys for being patient and kind and understanding and for pitching in to help. Thanks to my parents for postponing their trip so they could be by my side to hear whatever news my doctor had for us after my scan. There are so many things and people I am sure I'm forgetting something! I feel so very blessed right now!

Isolation, Day 3

I got out of the hospital today but am still in isolation for 2 more days, at an undisclosed location. I will be home on Friday. Wow, was I happy to get out of the hospital! I sat outside and smelled the beautiful blossoms in the crisp spring air. I listened to the birds sing, I let the rain fall on my face and cried like a baby! I miss my hubby and my boys so much! I feel a renewed sense of gratitude for all the little things. It isn't that it was super bad in there. Actually it was a nice room on the 12th floor, with a nice big window and a view! Way nicer than I expected. And the nurses were very kind. Just something about freedom, I guess. Not sure if any of you know but my little brother David died in prison a few years ago. He found out he had stage 4 kidney cancer and only lived for a couple months after being diagnosed. So this time I've had in isolation I couldn't help but feel and relate what his death must have been like. He was alone. Nobody to help him, no nurse or doctor standing by. Treated like a leper. He didn't have a phone. I finally was able to get him a tv. Anyway, he suffered tremendously. I love him and miss him so much and I'm so glad he isn't suffering any longer. OK, enough of that. I can't sleep. Trying to stay positive and busy. My mom gave me the book "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" to read (thank's Mom). It's really good but my eyesight has gotten pretty bad so I can't read for long. I have glasses but my eyes get tired still. I've been sleeping a lot! I guess that's all part of the side affects of the radiation. As my daughter reported my scan was great! The cancer did not spread outside of the neck area. And my blood work was better than the doctor was expecting. My TSH was at .05 which is the goal "after" the treatment! So he said I may be lucky and get by with only one RAI treatment! That would be so awesome! I have another scan on the 18th to see if the radiation is working, and then they repeat this whole thing in 9 months to a year to see if there is any cancer left. If so they give me more RAI. So we have to wait that long to see if I'm cancer free. I'm not worried about that now at all. Right now I am so full of gratitude and have a lot of plans going on in my head! I wish my body could keep up but for now I'm really weak and pretty nauseous still. My first meal didn't go very well. I hadn't eaten for over 24 hours and then ate mexican food. Something really cheesy sounded good because I couldn't have dairy on this diet at all! Usually I have a pretty tough stomach but not now. Oops! I'm really thinking I have a food sensitivity to dairy now. Probably always have but after not having it and then adding it all of a sudden, I can see it. My mom always told me that as a baby I would throw my bottle. At a really young age. I've never liked milk. I'm a strong believer that kids eliminate things from their diet on their own, that their bodies don't like. My oldest son did this with most all processed food. He was ADHD and eliminated ketchup, mayo, fruit snacks, cookies, cakes, candies, etc.. My Mom swore he didn't have any tastebuds*lol*.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

So today is my moms birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

She has been discharged from the hospital and will still be away from the house for a couple more days. As they say when it rains it pours, the family is all home fighting some terrible bug thats going around!

Although moms out and its her birthday she still isn't feeling the greatest. She had her first meal off the LID (low iodine diet) this afternoon. CHEESE ENCHILADA! Yum, but is fighting to keep it down. My mother is a very strong woman but these next couple days + will be filled with alot of rest!

FYI She will be home friday afternoon! ;) YAY

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers! Keep it going :) Mom I'm here with/for you!

Love, Nicole Hoffman (your one and only daughter) :)

THE TIME HAS COME

My mother has been scanned. The results are as good as they could be! :) They have said the cancer has not spread from the thyroid area and was as expected. The bloodwork came back better than expected!

This whole thing is new to me. The "C" word is a bit scary but I know I just have to hope for the best plan for the worst and make sure my mom knows how much I love her. We've been holding our breath for so long... these results finally let us all breath again ;)

Mom is in her padded room (with a great view) and its about time for her to pop the pill...

Please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers...

By: Nicole Hoffman, daughter of the best mom in the world

Tomorrow's the big "RAI" day!

So I have my throw-away toothbrush, toothpaste, brush and book packed. My parents, daughter, and grandson just left. My Dad and Mom brought dinner over for the family. Grandpa's RIBS!!! You should have seen Jordan run down the stairs! And my Mom made Pineapple Upside Down Cake! Nathan wolfed that down! It was so sweet and so appreciated as I have just not been able to cook and my boys are really missing it. What a great Surprise Easter dinner! Thanks so much! And Keith, your rolls were delicious they all said! I, was good and didn't have any. I did get to have some ribs because my Dad cooked them without the sauce for me. Only 5 oz. though. I'm not screwing up this diet or treatment now! My home teachers came over and them and my father gave me a special blessing to help me to be strong and to get through what I need to this week. I am feeling a little better now. And then I read some sweet posts from some of my friends on facebook, which even made me feel better. Thanks to all of you! I won't be able to keep in touch for a few days but my daughter will be posting on my blog for me, to keep you all updated. I will have access to a phone but probably not long distance. So goodbye for now! I will see you all before you know it! Lots of Love and Hugs, Ronda

EASTER

Today is Easter Sunday. It didn't really feel like it. We didn't color eggs this year and we didn't do baskets. We didn't go to church and I didn't cook an Easter dinner. I'm not saying any of this to make anybody feel bad, it's just how it was this year. The kids did just get to go to Great Wolf Lodge, right? Somehow today just didn't feel right though. Easter is about Christ. It's about worship and remembering him. It's about family. So as I have been reflecting on this and wondering how I could show my love for my Savior, I thought about all the things he has done for me. I'm so thankful for my life, my family, my husband, my children, my friends. I am so thankful that he came to earth and for the example that he gave and the things he taught. I'm feeling a whole new appreciation for the suffering he went through and how he endured and bled and died for me, so that we could all have eternal life. I'm so thankful to my Father in Heaven who had a plan and was willing to send his Only Begotten Son. How hard that must have been. Thank you for giving me a little place to share my testimony, that I know Christ lives!    He is Risen

Great Wolf Lodge

For Nathans birthday/spring break Shawn had booked Great Wolf Lodge. Since all I had yesterday was a trace dose the doctor said I could go with no precautions. Im not going to swim at all. I'm actually staying in bed. I can't even move. I walked down the hall last night to watch the boys through the window, but then I had to rest for an hour before I could walk back. I relate the feeling to being 9 months pregnant at Disneyland, lol. So today I feel even worse. It's ok, i know I'm going to be the worst at treatment. It's the plan. Prior to this I prepared some low iodine food to bring. This was a big concern for me because there isn't a grocery store close by. I made mini meatloaves, baked potatoes, chicken and salsa. But now all I want to eat is fresh fruit. Shawn was able to smuggle some fresh cut pineapple, watermelon, honeydew, grapes and cantaloupe out of the all you can eat buffet. I was in Heaven! The boys brought friends with them and I'm a little emberassed that I cant even hardly get out of bed. I think they are all aware that I'm sick, but it's just not like me! I love to be out there swimming with them, laughing, having fun! Can I just say this really sucks!! It's a good thing I did bring the food I did, because I eventually ended up eating it and sharing it with everyone else *lol*. Isn't it funny how everyone want's "your" food when you go on a special diet? Especially when it costs 4X as much as theirs! I'm going to have to do a special post on the food and the diet and share some of the food I ended up eating. It wasn't so bad. So stay tuned for that post!

BIG "R" date moved up to Monday, 4/9

This morning I went in for my trace dose of I-131. It was just taking a pill. Nothing to it. When I was there they said they wanted to move up my treatment date by one day. I think they must have just had a cancellation or something. But I am happy about it. It means one less day of waiting. One less day of the diet and most importantly, that I get out of the hospital ON my birthday! And I can even eat a piece of cake because I will be off of the diet! YAY!!

An angel

Yesterday, an angel showed up at my door, with a meal in one hand and cleaning supplies in another. My floors have never been so shiny! I have only been able to keep up on the very basics, dishes and laundry, really. I was really emberassed but at this point I was just very grateful. My family was so happy to get a good homecooked meal. Being on this diet hasn't been as hard as I thought but it is hard to find the energy, or the desire to cook, for me or them. Thank you so much angel-friend. I will never forget your kindness and love that you have shown me through these weeks. I hope someday I can show you the same.

Nucleur Medicine Consult

Today I had an appointment at the Nucleur Medicine Dept at Swedish Hospital. It was very imformative. On April 10th, I go in on an empty stomach and they scan my neck area and then a whole body scan to see if the cancer has spread. Then they will give me the BIG dose, in pill form. He said it is indeed true that it comes in a big capsule like metal container and nobody will be around me after I take it. I then will be taken to an isolation room for 2 days. Indeed, everything going in does not come out, except me. So no cell phone or computer. He said I will probably just want to sleep anyway but I could get bored. Only about 8 or 9 channels on the tv. So I guess I better take a book I can finish and throw away in 2 days! The next 2 days I can go home but still can't be around anyone and lots of other pre-cautions. Shawn and the kids will probably leave the house. Not really sure at this point. No kitty's or doggies either. The best thing is that on day 3 I get to start taking thyroid horomone again. So I will eventually start feeling better. On the 14th I will go in for another full body scan to see where the radiation went to and again see where there may be cancer cells. At this point the radiation should be doing it's job and I am done for awhile. They will tell me when the next scan will be depending on all these tests. At that point I start this whole process over again! What?? Nobody told me that part!!! I guess that's to find out if the cancer is indeed gone and the radiation did it's job. The Nucleur doctor said that it usually takes 1 to 2 treatments, sometimes more. They can only give you a certain amount of radiation in your lifetime so you just hope that it's gone when that amount is up. Not feeling very well today. It was so nice to have a better day yesterday. The sun was shining and I got to go to Jordan's soccer game. An amazing win of 4-3, against Thomas Jefferson! GO BEARS!! So glad I didn't miss that game. TJ was undefeated until last night and 7th in the state. We play Kentwood tomorrow night and we need a win. Nathan's Birthday was today and we just opened presents and had cake. Nicole and Dayton came over. I felt bad because I have traditions that I do for my kids on their Birthday's and I couldn't do them for Nathan. I was in bed the rest of the day. So I told him we will have a special day after I get done with treatment and am feeling better. I usually make them their favorite dinner and for all the boys that is Chinese, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Fried Rice, and whatever else they request like Phad Thai or General Tsos. We have some good recipes that my Mom got a very long time ago when she took Chinese Cooking classes at Uwajimayas. Well, that's all for tonight. Bryce is wanting some Mommy time as he's not feeling well. I'm going to go cuddle him while I can. That doesn't happen very often as he's almost 10! Thank's to Nichole Hill for having my boys over to play yesterday. Took away some of my guilt for not being able to take them to go do anything fun. They have so much fun over there.

No headache!

I am so grateful for the power of prayer this morning. I woke up and for the first time in 6 days I don't have that tremendous headache. I can't tell you the relief I am feeling. It was the worst headache I have ever, ever had. I thought for sure I must be having a stroke. It hurt to roll over in bed when I was sleeping and I would start to cry in my sleep. It hurt to stand up, to move, to talk. So thank you, thank you for all your prayers. I know they help. Even if it's only for awhile, this break in pain is wonderful. Tomorrow is Nathan's birthday so if I can just find a couple of hours to prepare that would help a lot. AND the SUN is shining outside! Double yay!

LDS General Conference

LDS General Conference
I actually got to sit and watch Conference uninterupted yesterday and today! Guess that's a positive about not feeling well. I was so grateful for the messages that were shared. They brought such peace to me. Plus I saw some familiar faces in the Missionary choir!

Where to stay after RAI?

Wow! What a controversial mess! I think I touched a little bit on this in earlier posts. It's a very touchy subject and scary to me. It used to be a requirement that people who recieved RAI did so as an inpatient and were kept until their radiation levels were at a safe level. The hospitals still keep some patients and still treat them the same. They have special wings where nobody is allowed to visit, any personal belongings that go in cannot come out. They wear specials bio-hazard suits to enter and clean up and they store your bedding and utensils for at least 3 months before washing. They pass food through to you from a distance and they measure your radiation level with a long stick. They also have to make sure all rooms surrounding you on all sides are clear as radiation does not have walls. Well, in recent years they have relaxed some of these requirements and now most of the time RAI is done on an outpatient basis. So they are actually sending patients home to take their own pre-cautions. So what if you live in an apartment? What if you have a childs bedroom under you? Some people travel distances and then have to stay in hotels. And because the hospitals aren't required to keep you then of course insurance companies are NOT going to pay for it! So where do we as radioactive patients go?? Here are some sites if you are interested in this at all. Sorry, again my blogger account is not cooperating so you will have to copy and paste until I can figure it out. http://www.ascopost.com/articles/march-1-2011/how-can-patients-who-receive-radioactive-iodine-treatment.aspx, http://www.inspire.com/groups/thyca-thyroid-cancer-survivors-association/discussion/after-rai-ok-to-stay-in-hotels/?page=last#replies As for me I am going to try to get admitted and hope that my insurance will cover it. If not, I will stay in a tent! Not really. I guess we will have to figure all that out when the time comes, like everything else lately, one day at a time.ASC Post article

A Gift Basket from a few of my students

I just had to share this with you all as it really warmed my heart. Before I had to leave work (I'm a school bus driver), I had a boy on my bus want to survey me for one of his classes. He was asking me all sorts of questions like "What is your favorite food?","What is your favorite restaurant?", "What is your favorite activity?" etc.... Well, the next morning this same boy had a big basket in his hands when I picked him up. He and his sister and friend had gone out and filled a basket with a bunch of my favorite things! There was a stuffed bear, a Coke, giant Hershey bar, giant Reeses, Suckers, gum, puzzle book, a gift card for the Cheesecake Factory (yum, my favorite), and 2 movie tickets! Plus they made me a giant poster card that says We heart you! I have these things in my room and it puts a big smile on my face every time I look at it. Thank's to John Riley and Maddie D. and Hannah C.! See you guys soon! I wish I could figure out how to post pictures on here. Part of my blogger program isn't working so I need to try to figure it out. When I do I will add photos.

"GOOD" Cancer, Really?

OK, I am pretty sick. I did not expect this at all. I gave up most all driving. My only outings for the last few days have consisted of the hospital, a soccer game, and the grocery store to get stuff for the diet. Earlier this week I did get to go see the Hunger Games with my Mom and Dad (thanks1).Thank you Jordan for taking me to your soccer game and thank's to Nicole (my lovely daughter) for taking me to the store. I look like Quazimoto and just want to stay undercovers. My head is pounding so hard it hurts to hear my own voice. I am taking pain killers but they don't hardly touch it. Last night I got the pain under control enough to go to the store. I'm really trying. I don't like to just lay in bed but yet I wish I could just sleep until this is over. Supposedly I will start feeling better after I start taking my thyroid again. That won't be until after the scan sometime. Sorry for the complaining. I think I'm going to be taking some people up on offers for help. I am so thankful that I have such a great family that have already pitched in. My Dad actually took Bryce to his Pinewood Derby, where he came in 1st place for his den. I am hoping I can continue to watch Jordan's soccer games. It makes me so happy to watch him in his element! I had to miss one this week but he understood. Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and encouragement. I have also made some online friends on the ThyCa blogs and am constantly reminded how blessed I really am. A new friend was just diagnosed with Stage 4 thyroid cancer. It has spread to her lungs. She has a husband with Alzheimers and no children. But she is so sweet and so cheerful and optomistic and has such a beautiful spirit. I have heard people say that thyroid cancer is the "good" cancer. And some may have a better outcome than others. But I really don't think there is such a thing as a "GOOD" Cancer and I hope nobody would ever tell my new friend she has it! I am sure that whomever says this means that it is a more treatable cancer than others, being that we get to drink the radiation (goody) and have it go through our bodies, our mouths, our esophogus, our stomachs, our intestines and that it hopefully goes directly to the cancer and kills it. I suppose I would still choose to walk in my own shoes rather than some of the loved ones that I have seen suffer tremendously through their own hellish kinds of cancers and treatments. I miss them and wish I would have understood more then of what they were going through.

"HYPO HELL"

Today is day 9 on withdrawl from the temporary thyroid they had put me on. Day 30 off of the regular one. The difference is the regular one stays in your system for a long time and the temprary doesn't.

 So, what is happening? My body is without any thyroid horomone.The symptoms have started with a numb, puffy, fat face, neck and eyes, very foggy thoughts, PAIN in my calves, feet, arms, hands, neck and head. I'm very tired and very weak. Unfortunately this is going to get worse before it gets better. The very worst will be closer to my I-131 Radio Active Iodine (RAI) treatment on April 10th.
 
As the withdrawal continues, my finger nails and hair will constantly split and break. I will become noticeably short-tempered and temperature intolerant. My whole body will have numbness throughout and limbs will go to sleep when bent or pressed and even for no reason at all. My arms/fingers will be the worst when typing as I rest my arms on the desk and keyboard. My thoughts will be slower and lacking comprehension. My desire to do will be there but the ability to do will not. Even just a smile will feel funny. Walking on tingling feet will hurt and sitting will be uncomfortable no matter the position.


People will see me in a daze and wonder why I look lost. I will pause and have to gather my thoughts to be able to answer questions that normally would require no thought. I may say or ask things twice without remembering that I had. I will not recall where things are placed. Basically, my overall whole body will function slow or delayed. (Already there!) 


During this time, I also have to remove all iodine from my body. The low/no iodine diet stinks! Here's the diet in a nutshell: no iodized salt, no dairy, no egg yolks, no sea food, no soy, no red dye/coloring, no chocolate, no molasses, no processed food, and no restaurants. 

 April 6th, I will go in to the Nucleur Medicine Department and they will give me a trace dose of the I-131 (RAI) On April 10th I will go in for a Whole Body Scan and depending on how much thyroid tissue (cancer) shows up and if and where it has spread, will determine how much of the BIG Whole Body Dose they will give me. I will now be at my lowest point and I swallow a radioactive iodine pill that lets me light up like a Christmas tree. I then go into isolation for several days so that I don't radiate anyone. I will have a follow up scan on the 18th to see if the radiation is doing it's job. Somewhere at this point I get to start eating normal again.

This is what they call HYPO-HELL and now I know what they are talking about. If you see me around you will know why I have puffy eyes, puffy cheeks and a puffy half smile. I look and feel like I have the flu but I'm not contagious.

Going Hypo

So I have had a couple of really good days and have tried to stay busy getting things done in preparation for the days I'm not going to be feeling so good. Well, today it has caught up to me. I know that every day I will be getting a little worse. The doctor has drawn it out for me and I should just expect it. But I couldn't help but think maybe I would be different. Wishful thinking. I slept almost 12 hours last night and still woke up with a huge headache, but the worst thing was my calves! They have constant cramps in them. My neck also hurts. This is all part of going "Hypo" thyroid, which is the whole purpose of going off of my medication. So hard to even walk because my calves hurt so bad. Dr. Davies told me I would feel bad and then much worse. He even drew me a chart. If I can figure out how to post this I will. I am expected to be at my very lowest right around my I-131 (name of the Radioactive Iodine) date of April 10th. Probably a whole week or so there.

Low-Iodine-Diet (LID)

So I have 5 days to prepare for this special diet. So can I just grumble a little bit before I try to find the positive? Only 5 oz of meat a day? No dairy? Really? No cheese, milk, eggs, butter,ice cream or chocolate? No storebought foods with "salt" as an ingredient? Nothing from the Sea? No shrimp? No crab or lobster? Sea Salt? No Soy or Whey products, No red dye, no sauces or condiments, no commercial bread products, nothing with salt unless I make it with non-iodized salt. Okay, not like I eat all that stuff anyway. But I am starting to realize and empathize with what my poor friends with allergies, or kids with allergies have to go through on a daily basis. It is not fun! Did you know that Iodine is in almost everything? And animals absorb iodine also so that's why the limit on meat. Canned food all has iodine. Yesterday I went to Costco and started looking at things I might be able to have. Well, I came home with "ONE" thing! Almond Butter. Yep, it doesn't have any salt in it at all! So there is something I can dip my fruits and veggies in, Yay! I also bought some fresh chicken thighs so I could make some chicken broth with non-iodized salt. That way I can have that in my freezer ready to go to make soups with. Usually I cook with the frozen chicken pieces in the bag at Costco. But did you know that they have a salt solution injected into them? I wondered why the chicken never really needed salt. It's amazing what you learn when you actually read the label! Now I am thinking of recipes I could possibly make up ahead of time. I thought of Lasagna, but wait, who can have Lasagna without LOTS and LOTS of cheese? Ricotta, Mozzarella, Parmesan, Cottage to name a few. Nope, I will still make it for the family to have. I would also have to make the sauce totally homeade without canned anything. Not sure how that would be. I guess I'll just stick with simpler stuff. Like a piece of chicken with a baked potato (inside only as the skin has iodine), and a salad. Not so bad. I did the Paleo diet for a couple of months about a year and a half ago. I actually felt sooooo good on that diet. It's kind of a caveman diet. NO processed foods at all. Lots of fruit and veggies, nuts and seeds, and no dairy. The dairy I had a problem giving up. Oh and NO SUGAR! That was super hard. I think that is why I felt so good on it was the elimination of gluten and dairy and mainly SUGAR. So if I could do that diet then this one should be easy. I have actually been wanting to go strictly Paleo again but right now my comfort foods are helping me through all this. Well, until April 2nd. I should only have to be on this LID diet for a few weeks. The only reason it would go longer is if the radiation doesn't kill all the cancer. Then I think I have to repeat. So if you think of anything that doesn't contain iodized or sea salt, milk, eggs, or butter, I could use the ideas! I have found a wonderful blog that has been put together for this LID diet. Just in time. http://thelowiodinediet.blogspot.com

Preparing for Radiation

This is a huge learning process for me, and everyone I know. Thyroid Cancer is a little different in how it is treated. So now that they have removed the thyroid and nodules, they are going to use radiation to kill any existing thyroid/cancer cells. I have read that if your nodules are small and the cancer was inside the nodules, that they may decide not to do radiation at all or maybe a small dose. I have also read that in a lot of those people it returns later down the road. This is where you really need to do your homework, get a second or third opinion, and pray about it. My cancer was staged at a 2 because of the size of the tumor. My doctor also said he's going Zap it so that hopefully I won't have to deal with it later on. He said that he doesn't know yet whether my cancer will be the type that is aggressive and will be hard to treat. So the way they radiate thyroid cancer is very interesting. First, they take you off of any and all thyroid medication. They took me off of my Synthroid that I have been on since I was 21, after surgery. They gave me Cytomel, which is a little daily dose just to make me feel a little better until I got closer to my treatment. You also have to wait 6-8 weeks after surgery for the treatment. That really "bugged me as it felt like nobody had any urgency in the matter and I felt like I needed to do something now! Last week I was taken off of the Cytomel, and had to stop working as I'm a school bus driver and the doctor doesn't want me driving around without any thyroid in my body. Our thyroids control so many things in our bodies. It's really amazing what that little gland's job is. Here is a link if you want to know more www.http://housecalldoctor.quickanddirtytips.com/what-does-the-thyroid-do.aspx On April 2nd I will have to start a low-iodine diet (LID). The reason for this is that they want to deplete all the iodine from any existing thyroid cells. Our thyroids absorb iodine and use it to function. Radioactive iodine is supposedly a safe therapy because the radioactive iodine is primarily absorbed by thyroid cells. Thyroid cells are the main cells in the body that can absorb iodine, so no other cells are exposed to the radiation. When the thyroid cells—both healthy and cancerous—absorb the radioactive iodine, they are damaged or destroyed. Thyroid cancer cells, however, don't take up the radioactive iodine as easily as the healthy thyroid cells do. To encourage them to, is the reason for the diet and the medication withdrawl.

I'm not dying, I'm just learning to live with cancer.

So one of the hardest things I've found about having cancer is the mind games. I think a lot. I am an overthinker. My husband even bought me a book "Women Who Think Too Much" *lol*. So I am constantly thinking about my life and my kids and what's going to happen. What the tests are going to show. What I read on the internet. What kind of thyroid cancer do I have. The really deadly one that you don't even live a year? I need to write a journal, quick. I need to take pictures. I need to make all my family members quilts, What do I want my funeral to be like. How will people remember me? Will my husband re-marry? Who will take my kids to church? Will I lose my hair? Sooooo many things going through my mind. What about work? I'm out of sick days. How will I keep my health insurance if I'm sick and can't work? Will they let me go? Can I still even drive? I have cancer you know.... Well, something I read made a HUGE impact on me and I've decided this is my new outlook. It was a very simple phrase "I'm not dying, I'm just learning to live with cancer"! At least for now!

Winter Break

Before my surgery was scheduled we had already planned on going to see Justyn, our son at BYU Utah. The hotel was paid for and I wanted to go. I figured I'd probably rest more in a hotel where maids came in and we ate out at restaurants, right? The hardest thing was the 12 hour car trip. I couldn't help drive at all because I couldn't turn my head! I also was on pain meds. We drove straight through. The hotel was super nice and retro. Loved the decor! So nice to see Justyn. We went to movies, dinner, and bowling one night. It was funny because I couldn't do it. I never realized how much we use our neck muscles to do everything until now. Everything hurts, even putting on mascara! So to pick up a bowling ball and walk with it and try to roll it, forget it! So Justyn went and got this metal thingy that they let little kids use to roll the ball down. He had to pick up the ball and put it on the metal thingy for me so the only thing I was doing was standing there! Everyone took turns helping me. It was a lot of fun though. My follow up appointment to learn what pathology had found was coming up the next week. So while in Utah I spent a lot of time looking stuff up about thyroid cancer and there is a lot of scary stuff out there! I also spent a lot of time shopping for scarves to hide my horrible scar. I bought Mederma and found out real quick that you don't use that on an unhealed scar! Ouch. Neosporin was a lot better.

Surgery 2/13/12

So I went in to have 1/2 my thyroid removed at Swedish Hospital in Seattle, by Dr. David Moore. When I woke up I vaguely remember the doctor telling me that they had found some cancer and had to remove my whole thyroid. He had to leave a little thyroid tissue because it was wrapped around my vocal chords. I was shocked. How could the FNB be so wrong? I can't even begin to explain how it felt to hear those words "CANCER"! My husband was there but he seemed fine. Anyone that knows him can understand. He's a very calm, cool and collected kind of guy. Besides, it wasn't all for sure until pathology finished all of there tests. My neck hurt really bad. Mostly in the back. It had hurt since the FNB. Felt like my lymph nodes were swollen. The front of my neck was covered and I was afraid to look. When I finally did I cried. It was a huge cut across my whole neck. It was red, swollen and really ugly. I couldn't move because it hurt so bad. I was in the hospital for 2 nights and then came home with pain meds. I guess I should be thankful that the surgeon and pathologists in the operating room were so skilled and knowledgable. That they recognized cancer and could take out both sides of my thyroid in that one surgery. What happens usually is they remove half, then close, wait a week for pathology then go back in a week later and take the rest of the thyroid if it was cancer. So there's a blessing.

This year

So last year, 2011, I told my Endocrinologist that I felt tightness in my throat and felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I had been having a little trouble swallowing too. He dismissed it and said it wouldn't have anything to do with the nodules. I asked if we should do an ultrasound and he said that we would do it later. I also asked him at my next appointment and he put me off again. I called to make an appointment one day and they told me the reason he was so hard to get into was that he was retiring an working limited hours. I couldn't get into see him for 4 months! So then I decided, heck with him, I will just go back to the surgeon who saw me. He said that it could very well be my thyroid nodules and ordered an ultrasound. The ultrasound came back saying that 2 nodules had grown significantly! One had more than doubled in size and was over 2cm. He then ordered another fine needle biopsy (FUN). The FNB came back benign again. What a relief! But we still had a nodule that was growing and my doctor said he thought surgery to take out that half of the thyroid was the best option. He also told me a story about a guy that he had just done surgery on, who's biopsy was also benign but ended up being cancer when they got in there. This concerned me so I agreed. We set up the surgery for 1 1/2 weeks later. I called my Endocrinologist and left a message that I was having the surgery. His nurse called back and said that he said that it wasn't necessary and he'd talk to me about it at my appointment in April. I wasn't listening to him this time. Surgery here I come.

3 years ago

During a CT scan they discovered some nodules on my thyroid. My primary care doctor ordered an ultrasound and sent me to a an endocrine surgeon. The surgeon ordered a fine needle biopsy. A fine needle biopsy is NOT fun. They use ultrasound to guide them while they stick a long needle into each nodule about 5 times. Each time they wiggle it around and go in and out of it to try to gather a good sample. They said it wouldn't hurt but it did. Not terribly but very uncomfortable. I wish they would have just put me out. Of course then you have to wait a week for the results. My biopsy came back benign! The surgeon still thought I should have them removed and that would be the only way to know for sure. But my Endocrinologist said it wasn't necessary and that we should just wait and moniter them. He said that 99% of these nodules are benign and lots of people have them. So I decided to listen and take his advice and wait and watch....

5 years ago

I had been told at one time that I had a "goiter". My thyroid was enlarged. Nobody ever checked it out and I didn't think it was a big deal. I had been having a lot of health problems. A lot of trouble breathing and I had been diagnosed with type-2 diabetes, and sleep apnea. I also had several surgeries because of these health problems. It seemed like overnight I was hit with these things. I don't think I will go into all of them but I do wonder how much of all these other health issues had to do with my thyroid problem. Also, I had noticed a really dark line on the back of my neck. I researched it and found out it is called Ancanthosis Nigricans. The doctor said it was from the diabetes. I also read that it could mean there was cancer somewhere in my body. During all my surgeries, which included having my Ovaries removed due to a very large cyst, they had never found any cancer, so I just kind of put that out of my head. The doctor didn't seem to be concerned so why should I be.

30 years ago

Back in 1982, after the birth of my son, I got pretty thin. I hadn't changed anything but the weight just dropped off after having him. It was really nice because I always battled weight and always needed to lose a few pounds. I got down to about 118 which is the lightest I'd been since 7th grade. The reason I share this is that since then I have learned that it is really common for our thyroid's to go "whacko" after having a baby. At this time I believe I must have been "hyperthyroid" I will later post some information about this. Then in 1984, after the birth of my only daughter Nicole, I made a visit to the ER. Nicole was losing lots of weight and they told me to stop nursing her. They also told me to see my doctor. I was feeling really tired all the time and I specifically remember sitting on the couch and thinking about all the things I needed to do and not being able to move! Now this was back in the "OLD" days where you had just one doctor who did everything, especially in a little town called Hermiston, OR. My main complaints to him were, lack of energy, not being able to lose pregnancy weight, hot and cold flashes, and depression. He decided to test my thyroid. After several radically different test results, showing "hyper", "hypo", back and forth, he sent me to the hospital for testing. Now this was a LONG time ago so I don't have the greatest memory of what went on. I do remember them giving me some sort of radiation and body scan which showed that my thyroid wasn't working at all. So the doctor put me on thyroid medication. I have been on this ever since and my levels have been monitored regularly. They have had to adjust it a little now and then.