Post RAI scan yesterday

I went in for my post RAI Whole Body Scan yesterday. It took about 45 minutes. I didn't meet with a doctor or anything. The tech said that this scan was so that they would have something to compare the next scan with. I guess it shows where all the radiation went to and where it is working. Still shows the neck area. So I guess I will find out at my next doctor's appointment when the next scan will be. This scan was much easier than any of the others in that I didn't have to do any prep for it. I haven't been posting lately. Mainly my mind just doesn't feel quite right. I don't trust my thinking even. I feel really slow. I can even hear my words slurr. I think I'm getting better slowly but it will take awhile for the thyroid to build back up into my system. Depression has really set in. Don't get me wrong. I KNOW I am blessed. It's just a state of mind, a black feeling. I have dealt with it before and I know it will pass, but it's real. So I'm kind of just hanging on and waiting to feel better. I don't really feel like writing much. I don't like writing depressing thoughts or feelings. So I'm just going to hide out for awhile. Not feeling sorry for myself. Just this is how it is right now and I recognize it. Pretty sure my husband and boys are feeling it too. They are just keeping thier distance,*lol*. I am really looking forward to Justyn coming home from BYU Utah this weekend though. I have really missed him. He will be home for the summer, working and getting ready to serve a 2 year church mission.

6 days Post RAI, First outing

Today I actually ventured out in the public. It was actually for a very SPECIAL reason. My friend Peggy, had GREAT news on her Breast Cancer scan this week and it was a celebration for her! Some co-workers put it on and Peggy asked if I could be there. I was so honored! Alice and her hubby, Eric, came to pick me up and take me (thank-you)! He is also a cancer survivor. I wasn't able to make any food for the potluck as I am still being cautious not to expose anyone. I had other people dish my food up for me at the barbecue also. People still did come up and hug me though but that is supposed to be OK at this stage. Just can't share saliva (*lol*). It felt so good to get out of the house and to be around friends. And the sunshine was out. Peggy looked beautiful and happy. I just love her. We got to talk a little and get our picture taken. I also learned a lot about some of my co-workers and some of the personal struggles they have had in thier own lives. Kind of sad that we work beside each other every day but don't really know each other. I hope I can take more time in my daily life to learn about those around me and let them know I care. Life is a journey and there are ups and downs for all of us. Today I vow to always remember to never judge another until I have walked a mile in their shoes. Thank's to Jan for bringing me home tonight. I'm exhausted for now and am retiring back to my bed. Thank's for a beautiful day! And Peggy, way to KICK CANCERS BUTT!!!

Day 4 of Isolation

Ugh! As my 9 year old would say. This is really getting old. I just want to feel better! I'm getting very impatient. I'm so weak and so sick. I have a terrible headache and sore throat. I'm nauseous and tired. Tomorrow I'm calling my doctor to see if there is something he can give me or if this is just how it is. I have so many things that I'm so excited to get started on and this is just holding me back! I guess I need to take it slow and my body is reminding me of that. My husband and kids are sick at home and I feel like I need to be there. Tomorrow I will be going home but still keep my distance for another 4 days. It will be nice to be home.

Thank you

I just want everyone to know how grateful I am for all of your prayers and support! I have felt you with me and it means so much. Thank you for your comments, your words, your thoughts. Thanks to those that have brought meals in to my family, have cleaned my house, watched my boys, sent cards, texts and e-mails and flowers. Thanks for the Birthday wishes and thanks to Alice for taking me to breakfast before I had to start that diet! Thanks to my daughter for being there to rub my head when it hurt so bad, for taking time off to take me to the doctor, and for giving up her days off to help me. Thanks to my husband and my boys for being patient and kind and understanding and for pitching in to help. Thanks to my parents for postponing their trip so they could be by my side to hear whatever news my doctor had for us after my scan. There are so many things and people I am sure I'm forgetting something! I feel so very blessed right now!

Isolation, Day 3

I got out of the hospital today but am still in isolation for 2 more days, at an undisclosed location. I will be home on Friday. Wow, was I happy to get out of the hospital! I sat outside and smelled the beautiful blossoms in the crisp spring air. I listened to the birds sing, I let the rain fall on my face and cried like a baby! I miss my hubby and my boys so much! I feel a renewed sense of gratitude for all the little things. It isn't that it was super bad in there. Actually it was a nice room on the 12th floor, with a nice big window and a view! Way nicer than I expected. And the nurses were very kind. Just something about freedom, I guess. Not sure if any of you know but my little brother David died in prison a few years ago. He found out he had stage 4 kidney cancer and only lived for a couple months after being diagnosed. So this time I've had in isolation I couldn't help but feel and relate what his death must have been like. He was alone. Nobody to help him, no nurse or doctor standing by. Treated like a leper. He didn't have a phone. I finally was able to get him a tv. Anyway, he suffered tremendously. I love him and miss him so much and I'm so glad he isn't suffering any longer. OK, enough of that. I can't sleep. Trying to stay positive and busy. My mom gave me the book "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" to read (thank's Mom). It's really good but my eyesight has gotten pretty bad so I can't read for long. I have glasses but my eyes get tired still. I've been sleeping a lot! I guess that's all part of the side affects of the radiation. As my daughter reported my scan was great! The cancer did not spread outside of the neck area. And my blood work was better than the doctor was expecting. My TSH was at .05 which is the goal "after" the treatment! So he said I may be lucky and get by with only one RAI treatment! That would be so awesome! I have another scan on the 18th to see if the radiation is working, and then they repeat this whole thing in 9 months to a year to see if there is any cancer left. If so they give me more RAI. So we have to wait that long to see if I'm cancer free. I'm not worried about that now at all. Right now I am so full of gratitude and have a lot of plans going on in my head! I wish my body could keep up but for now I'm really weak and pretty nauseous still. My first meal didn't go very well. I hadn't eaten for over 24 hours and then ate mexican food. Something really cheesy sounded good because I couldn't have dairy on this diet at all! Usually I have a pretty tough stomach but not now. Oops! I'm really thinking I have a food sensitivity to dairy now. Probably always have but after not having it and then adding it all of a sudden, I can see it. My mom always told me that as a baby I would throw my bottle. At a really young age. I've never liked milk. I'm a strong believer that kids eliminate things from their diet on their own, that their bodies don't like. My oldest son did this with most all processed food. He was ADHD and eliminated ketchup, mayo, fruit snacks, cookies, cakes, candies, etc.. My Mom swore he didn't have any tastebuds*lol*.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM

So today is my moms birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!

She has been discharged from the hospital and will still be away from the house for a couple more days. As they say when it rains it pours, the family is all home fighting some terrible bug thats going around!

Although moms out and its her birthday she still isn't feeling the greatest. She had her first meal off the LID (low iodine diet) this afternoon. CHEESE ENCHILADA! Yum, but is fighting to keep it down. My mother is a very strong woman but these next couple days + will be filled with alot of rest!

FYI She will be home friday afternoon! ;) YAY

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers! Keep it going :) Mom I'm here with/for you!

Love, Nicole Hoffman (your one and only daughter) :)

THE TIME HAS COME

My mother has been scanned. The results are as good as they could be! :) They have said the cancer has not spread from the thyroid area and was as expected. The bloodwork came back better than expected!

This whole thing is new to me. The "C" word is a bit scary but I know I just have to hope for the best plan for the worst and make sure my mom knows how much I love her. We've been holding our breath for so long... these results finally let us all breath again ;)

Mom is in her padded room (with a great view) and its about time for her to pop the pill...

Please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers...

By: Nicole Hoffman, daughter of the best mom in the world

Tomorrow's the big "RAI" day!

So I have my throw-away toothbrush, toothpaste, brush and book packed. My parents, daughter, and grandson just left. My Dad and Mom brought dinner over for the family. Grandpa's RIBS!!! You should have seen Jordan run down the stairs! And my Mom made Pineapple Upside Down Cake! Nathan wolfed that down! It was so sweet and so appreciated as I have just not been able to cook and my boys are really missing it. What a great Surprise Easter dinner! Thanks so much! And Keith, your rolls were delicious they all said! I, was good and didn't have any. I did get to have some ribs because my Dad cooked them without the sauce for me. Only 5 oz. though. I'm not screwing up this diet or treatment now! My home teachers came over and them and my father gave me a special blessing to help me to be strong and to get through what I need to this week. I am feeling a little better now. And then I read some sweet posts from some of my friends on facebook, which even made me feel better. Thanks to all of you! I won't be able to keep in touch for a few days but my daughter will be posting on my blog for me, to keep you all updated. I will have access to a phone but probably not long distance. So goodbye for now! I will see you all before you know it! Lots of Love and Hugs, Ronda

EASTER

Today is Easter Sunday. It didn't really feel like it. We didn't color eggs this year and we didn't do baskets. We didn't go to church and I didn't cook an Easter dinner. I'm not saying any of this to make anybody feel bad, it's just how it was this year. The kids did just get to go to Great Wolf Lodge, right? Somehow today just didn't feel right though. Easter is about Christ. It's about worship and remembering him. It's about family. So as I have been reflecting on this and wondering how I could show my love for my Savior, I thought about all the things he has done for me. I'm so thankful for my life, my family, my husband, my children, my friends. I am so thankful that he came to earth and for the example that he gave and the things he taught. I'm feeling a whole new appreciation for the suffering he went through and how he endured and bled and died for me, so that we could all have eternal life. I'm so thankful to my Father in Heaven who had a plan and was willing to send his Only Begotten Son. How hard that must have been. Thank you for giving me a little place to share my testimony, that I know Christ lives!    He is Risen

Great Wolf Lodge

For Nathans birthday/spring break Shawn had booked Great Wolf Lodge. Since all I had yesterday was a trace dose the doctor said I could go with no precautions. Im not going to swim at all. I'm actually staying in bed. I can't even move. I walked down the hall last night to watch the boys through the window, but then I had to rest for an hour before I could walk back. I relate the feeling to being 9 months pregnant at Disneyland, lol. So today I feel even worse. It's ok, i know I'm going to be the worst at treatment. It's the plan. Prior to this I prepared some low iodine food to bring. This was a big concern for me because there isn't a grocery store close by. I made mini meatloaves, baked potatoes, chicken and salsa. But now all I want to eat is fresh fruit. Shawn was able to smuggle some fresh cut pineapple, watermelon, honeydew, grapes and cantaloupe out of the all you can eat buffet. I was in Heaven! The boys brought friends with them and I'm a little emberassed that I cant even hardly get out of bed. I think they are all aware that I'm sick, but it's just not like me! I love to be out there swimming with them, laughing, having fun! Can I just say this really sucks!! It's a good thing I did bring the food I did, because I eventually ended up eating it and sharing it with everyone else *lol*. Isn't it funny how everyone want's "your" food when you go on a special diet? Especially when it costs 4X as much as theirs! I'm going to have to do a special post on the food and the diet and share some of the food I ended up eating. It wasn't so bad. So stay tuned for that post!

BIG "R" date moved up to Monday, 4/9

This morning I went in for my trace dose of I-131. It was just taking a pill. Nothing to it. When I was there they said they wanted to move up my treatment date by one day. I think they must have just had a cancellation or something. But I am happy about it. It means one less day of waiting. One less day of the diet and most importantly, that I get out of the hospital ON my birthday! And I can even eat a piece of cake because I will be off of the diet! YAY!!

An angel

Yesterday, an angel showed up at my door, with a meal in one hand and cleaning supplies in another. My floors have never been so shiny! I have only been able to keep up on the very basics, dishes and laundry, really. I was really emberassed but at this point I was just very grateful. My family was so happy to get a good homecooked meal. Being on this diet hasn't been as hard as I thought but it is hard to find the energy, or the desire to cook, for me or them. Thank you so much angel-friend. I will never forget your kindness and love that you have shown me through these weeks. I hope someday I can show you the same.

Nucleur Medicine Consult

Today I had an appointment at the Nucleur Medicine Dept at Swedish Hospital. It was very imformative. On April 10th, I go in on an empty stomach and they scan my neck area and then a whole body scan to see if the cancer has spread. Then they will give me the BIG dose, in pill form. He said it is indeed true that it comes in a big capsule like metal container and nobody will be around me after I take it. I then will be taken to an isolation room for 2 days. Indeed, everything going in does not come out, except me. So no cell phone or computer. He said I will probably just want to sleep anyway but I could get bored. Only about 8 or 9 channels on the tv. So I guess I better take a book I can finish and throw away in 2 days! The next 2 days I can go home but still can't be around anyone and lots of other pre-cautions. Shawn and the kids will probably leave the house. Not really sure at this point. No kitty's or doggies either. The best thing is that on day 3 I get to start taking thyroid horomone again. So I will eventually start feeling better. On the 14th I will go in for another full body scan to see where the radiation went to and again see where there may be cancer cells. At this point the radiation should be doing it's job and I am done for awhile. They will tell me when the next scan will be depending on all these tests. At that point I start this whole process over again! What?? Nobody told me that part!!! I guess that's to find out if the cancer is indeed gone and the radiation did it's job. The Nucleur doctor said that it usually takes 1 to 2 treatments, sometimes more. They can only give you a certain amount of radiation in your lifetime so you just hope that it's gone when that amount is up. Not feeling very well today. It was so nice to have a better day yesterday. The sun was shining and I got to go to Jordan's soccer game. An amazing win of 4-3, against Thomas Jefferson! GO BEARS!! So glad I didn't miss that game. TJ was undefeated until last night and 7th in the state. We play Kentwood tomorrow night and we need a win. Nathan's Birthday was today and we just opened presents and had cake. Nicole and Dayton came over. I felt bad because I have traditions that I do for my kids on their Birthday's and I couldn't do them for Nathan. I was in bed the rest of the day. So I told him we will have a special day after I get done with treatment and am feeling better. I usually make them their favorite dinner and for all the boys that is Chinese, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Fried Rice, and whatever else they request like Phad Thai or General Tsos. We have some good recipes that my Mom got a very long time ago when she took Chinese Cooking classes at Uwajimayas. Well, that's all for tonight. Bryce is wanting some Mommy time as he's not feeling well. I'm going to go cuddle him while I can. That doesn't happen very often as he's almost 10! Thank's to Nichole Hill for having my boys over to play yesterday. Took away some of my guilt for not being able to take them to go do anything fun. They have so much fun over there.

No headache!

I am so grateful for the power of prayer this morning. I woke up and for the first time in 6 days I don't have that tremendous headache. I can't tell you the relief I am feeling. It was the worst headache I have ever, ever had. I thought for sure I must be having a stroke. It hurt to roll over in bed when I was sleeping and I would start to cry in my sleep. It hurt to stand up, to move, to talk. So thank you, thank you for all your prayers. I know they help. Even if it's only for awhile, this break in pain is wonderful. Tomorrow is Nathan's birthday so if I can just find a couple of hours to prepare that would help a lot. AND the SUN is shining outside! Double yay!

LDS General Conference

LDS General Conference
I actually got to sit and watch Conference uninterupted yesterday and today! Guess that's a positive about not feeling well. I was so grateful for the messages that were shared. They brought such peace to me. Plus I saw some familiar faces in the Missionary choir!

Where to stay after RAI?

Wow! What a controversial mess! I think I touched a little bit on this in earlier posts. It's a very touchy subject and scary to me. It used to be a requirement that people who recieved RAI did so as an inpatient and were kept until their radiation levels were at a safe level. The hospitals still keep some patients and still treat them the same. They have special wings where nobody is allowed to visit, any personal belongings that go in cannot come out. They wear specials bio-hazard suits to enter and clean up and they store your bedding and utensils for at least 3 months before washing. They pass food through to you from a distance and they measure your radiation level with a long stick. They also have to make sure all rooms surrounding you on all sides are clear as radiation does not have walls. Well, in recent years they have relaxed some of these requirements and now most of the time RAI is done on an outpatient basis. So they are actually sending patients home to take their own pre-cautions. So what if you live in an apartment? What if you have a childs bedroom under you? Some people travel distances and then have to stay in hotels. And because the hospitals aren't required to keep you then of course insurance companies are NOT going to pay for it! So where do we as radioactive patients go?? Here are some sites if you are interested in this at all. Sorry, again my blogger account is not cooperating so you will have to copy and paste until I can figure it out. http://www.ascopost.com/articles/march-1-2011/how-can-patients-who-receive-radioactive-iodine-treatment.aspx, http://www.inspire.com/groups/thyca-thyroid-cancer-survivors-association/discussion/after-rai-ok-to-stay-in-hotels/?page=last#replies As for me I am going to try to get admitted and hope that my insurance will cover it. If not, I will stay in a tent! Not really. I guess we will have to figure all that out when the time comes, like everything else lately, one day at a time.ASC Post article

A Gift Basket from a few of my students

I just had to share this with you all as it really warmed my heart. Before I had to leave work (I'm a school bus driver), I had a boy on my bus want to survey me for one of his classes. He was asking me all sorts of questions like "What is your favorite food?","What is your favorite restaurant?", "What is your favorite activity?" etc.... Well, the next morning this same boy had a big basket in his hands when I picked him up. He and his sister and friend had gone out and filled a basket with a bunch of my favorite things! There was a stuffed bear, a Coke, giant Hershey bar, giant Reeses, Suckers, gum, puzzle book, a gift card for the Cheesecake Factory (yum, my favorite), and 2 movie tickets! Plus they made me a giant poster card that says We heart you! I have these things in my room and it puts a big smile on my face every time I look at it. Thank's to John Riley and Maddie D. and Hannah C.! See you guys soon! I wish I could figure out how to post pictures on here. Part of my blogger program isn't working so I need to try to figure it out. When I do I will add photos.

"GOOD" Cancer, Really?

OK, I am pretty sick. I did not expect this at all. I gave up most all driving. My only outings for the last few days have consisted of the hospital, a soccer game, and the grocery store to get stuff for the diet. Earlier this week I did get to go see the Hunger Games with my Mom and Dad (thanks1).Thank you Jordan for taking me to your soccer game and thank's to Nicole (my lovely daughter) for taking me to the store. I look like Quazimoto and just want to stay undercovers. My head is pounding so hard it hurts to hear my own voice. I am taking pain killers but they don't hardly touch it. Last night I got the pain under control enough to go to the store. I'm really trying. I don't like to just lay in bed but yet I wish I could just sleep until this is over. Supposedly I will start feeling better after I start taking my thyroid again. That won't be until after the scan sometime. Sorry for the complaining. I think I'm going to be taking some people up on offers for help. I am so thankful that I have such a great family that have already pitched in. My Dad actually took Bryce to his Pinewood Derby, where he came in 1st place for his den. I am hoping I can continue to watch Jordan's soccer games. It makes me so happy to watch him in his element! I had to miss one this week but he understood. Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers and encouragement. I have also made some online friends on the ThyCa blogs and am constantly reminded how blessed I really am. A new friend was just diagnosed with Stage 4 thyroid cancer. It has spread to her lungs. She has a husband with Alzheimers and no children. But she is so sweet and so cheerful and optomistic and has such a beautiful spirit. I have heard people say that thyroid cancer is the "good" cancer. And some may have a better outcome than others. But I really don't think there is such a thing as a "GOOD" Cancer and I hope nobody would ever tell my new friend she has it! I am sure that whomever says this means that it is a more treatable cancer than others, being that we get to drink the radiation (goody) and have it go through our bodies, our mouths, our esophogus, our stomachs, our intestines and that it hopefully goes directly to the cancer and kills it. I suppose I would still choose to walk in my own shoes rather than some of the loved ones that I have seen suffer tremendously through their own hellish kinds of cancers and treatments. I miss them and wish I would have understood more then of what they were going through.